Category: Relationship

  • Natalie – The gift of Christmas

    Natalie – The gift of Christmas

    It was 3am on the 26th of December 2021, the exact due date of baby Natalie. Miin woke me up intrusively. “I think my water broke”, those were the words from Miin, I immediately got up, and thought this is the day baby is finally going to show itself to the world. We had been trying to “induce” the baby since the previous week with medium intensity exercises. Miin did squats, lunges, table tennis, and even spent an afternoon playing badminton at 39-week pregnant.

    We tried to keep calm, and thought about all the lessons we’ve learned from the numerous birthing courses we attended. We called the hospital to inform them of our situation, and the midwives were happy for us to wait for natural progression of the labor. So instead of packing up and rushing to the hospital, we started to measure Miin’s contractions. Once that was ready, we tried to sleep whenever possible, knowing we were still in the early stages of labor and hoping for natural progression of the labor. But deep down eager that the pregnancy is finally coming to an end.

    First Check-up

    It was 3pm the same day, 12 hours have passed since Miin’s water broke. Family members were all on edge, confused by the fact that we were still at home, trying to maintain our regular daily routine. She had irregular contractions, and a lot of excitement. We could barely sleep since the early hours. So we called the hospital again, and this time they wanted us to go in for a check-up.

    I remember this trip felt very different to other car rides. It felt we could be going as 2 people, and coming back with 3. We even had a last minute check on the car-seat to make sure it was safe for use.

    When we arrived at the birthing suite, the midwife checked Miin and baby, and everything seemed fine and well. Baby was healthy, Miin was in good shape, there wasn’t any urgency at all. Then we went home, and continued our journey to help progress the labor.

    Another sleepless night

    It was the 27th now. We barely slept once again. Miin had contractions with increasing intensity throughout the night. We had a scheduled appointment with FMAC – Fetal monitoring antenatal clinic to check on our progress and the health of mummy and baby. Everything seemed to be at the exact same point as the day before, nothing’s changed, our 2nd trip to the hospital seemed to be in vain.

    To take our mind off things, we drove to Mount Dandenong. Had a very slow walk on the trails. Miin had contractions with higher frequency and intensity at this point. It was starting to be a challenge to keep doing our life normally.

    At breaking point, or 3rd time lucky?

    It was 5am on the 28th now, around than 50 hours since Miin’s water broke. Once again Miin woke me up, this time noticeably more shaken compared to the last time. Miin noticed the change in colour of the fluid that was leaking for the water breakage. She also felt baby’s movement has reduced significantly in the past hour. We immediately called the hospital to explain the situation, and was told to make our way to the hospital.

    We got up, had a quick cleanup, and was on our way to the hospital. We were admitted to birth suite 3, and check-up began. To our relief, baby still had a healthy heartbeat, hovering between 13o to 160 beats per minute. Miin’s vitals were doing well too. Midwife Laura even checked Miin’s vaginal fluid, and it was still looking healthy. However, the labor hadn’t progressed at all! At this point, I thought we were at breaking point mentally, and it was easy to misread the situation, and we told the midwife exactly that. I guess the message got through to her, and the birthing team finally offered us the option to induce the labor then and there, instead of the scheduled day after. We were mentally and physically exhausted from the lack of sleep, so we took the offer to start the induction process.

    Induction

    At around 11.30am, the drip finally started. Sometimes we just need a bit of medical intervention to kick start the nature’s process.

    Contractions gradually became more intense, and frequency also increased. By 2.30pm, Miin seemed to be in extreme pain. She was given the first line of pain relief, which was gas. I was eager to know the progress, and asked Heidi, the midwife that would be taking care of us that afternoon. She estimated that labor was slow, and she would expect a dilation of the cervix of 5cm at around 6pm. I couldn’t believe we were still that far-off, I didn’t even told Miin as she was in the toilet when I asked for the progress. All I could do was to try to help Miin to progress further.

    By around 3.30pm, Miin’s pain seemed excruciating, and she could no longer stand or sit; she could only lie down on the bed in various positions. She also started to ask for further pain-relief, morphine, epidural, she wanted anything that would help her.

    Then we asked Heidi to check internally the dilation of Miin’s cervix. After ordering the morphine, she checked, and to our surprise, Miin’s cervix had dilated to about 7cm, and it was nearing the 10cm needed to start pushing the baby.

    At this point, I was starting to take a proactive role in this labor, instead of just sitting around, playing different meditation and music audio, I told hold of Miin’s gas dispenser tube. And timed Miin’s breathing, once we was ready to inhale some air, I shoved the gas tube into her mouth, so she’s only breathing in the Nitrous Oxide. There was also time I had to help her pace her breathing, as Miin was only breathing in short bursts due to the pain.

    Around this time, we heard deafening screams from across the hall, presumably from another woman giving birth. The screams are nothing short of one from a possessed character in a horror film. I remembered that moment, but could not mention it, as Miin were going through an ordeal of her own.

    By the time the morphine shots arrived, this was around 4.30pm. Heidi once again manually checked the dilation diameter. And this time it was 9cm. At this point, morphine can no longer be used, as it might affect the baby’s breathing.

    The Push

    not the actual red button

    Miin started to have urge to push, it’s difficult for my to describe this feeling, but I thought urine and shit were passed at some point. Another midwife started to come into the room to help Miin with pushing. Miin was lying on her back, and she pushed 3 times with every contraction. 2 really strong ones, and 1 weaker one at the end. That happened for about 1 hour, and at the very end, when baby’s head had already surfaced, Miin continued her push. Miin was even given a chance to touch baby’s head during this time.

    Then baby’s heart rate started to plummet, from a stable 140 bpm, to around 90 bpm. This was when one of the nurse hit the big red emergency button on the birthing suite wall. Between 4 and 6 midwives urgently rushed into the room, some pushing Miin’s stomach, some tried pulling the baby’s head, one started to make a cut on Miin’s vagina. It was an intense moment.

    “There is none like You”

    Then it happened. With the help of the midwives, Miin’s last draw to push, and baby’s determination to live, Natalie Enning Seah was birthed to the world at 5.56pm on 28th December 2021.

    She immediately let out a siren-like sounding cry, alive and lively. At that moment, we were overwhelmed and relieved. At this moment, “There is none like You” was playing on my phone, a fitting song indeed. I for one burst into tears for Miin’s pain is finally over, as it was killing me inside to witness her suffering.

    Hello World.

    That’s the raw recollection of our birthing story, hope this will be a welcome for us to parenthood, and for Natalie, Hello World.

    PS. Big thanks for all the midwives ( Heidi, Laura, and more) at Angliss Hospital for helping us through the birthing process, our family and friends for the prayers and blessings, and God for unfailing love.

  • 每年的圣诞

    现在是凌晨1:34分。刚刚挂了他的电话。1个小时的交谈,带来的却是无数的伤害,失落以及悲伤。12月,对很多人来说,是个神圣,开心,团聚,浪漫的时刻。很多人结婚,旅游,回家乡,很开心,是一个充满回忆,特别的时刻。而我们,却是有着数不清的争吵,纠纷,失望。 上一周,我们最终选择分手。这决定对我们来说,已经并不陌生。而身为世上最愚蠢的我,忍不住,前几天又去找回他,最后决定重新给两个人一次机会。多年以来,争吵的次数无不胜数。在一起的时候,不在一起的时候,想得到的回忆,多多少少都是不好的。2016的圣诞,是他哥哥的结婚,我们因为不要破坏大家的气氛,之所以争吵但是还是选择在一起。2017的圣诞,又是另一个连理由都不记得的争吵。今年,2018年,看起来,应该不会再有任何的争吵了。两个人,虽然在一起了5年半,但如今却感觉如此陌生。你的一句“你爱我”,对我来说,简直就是向刀一样,刺痛我的心,因为,虽然也爱你,却,两人都知道,嘴巴说得容易,心却是死了。

  • Love You Anymore

    Love You Anymore

    Love You Anymore
    Michael Bublé

    Just because I wander ’round the places we would go
    Hoping that I’d run into you one last time
    Just because I never took your picture off my phone
    Doesn’t mean that you’re still on my mind

    Just because I accidentally slipped and said your name
    Well, I heard your song, it makes me insecure
    Just because I know I’ll never ever feel the same
    Doesn’t mean I love you anymore

    Am I lying to myself again
    When I say you’re not the best I’ve ever had?
    Am I lying to myself again
    When I say that I’m not missing you so bad?

    Just because I’m on my knees and swearing I would change
    And I’d do anything to hear you say “I’m yours”
    Just because I know I’ll never ever feel the same
    Doesn’t mean I love you anymore (love, love)
    Uh uh
    Uh uh

    Am I lying to myself again
    When I say you’re not the best I’ve ever had?
    Am I lying to myself again
    When I say that I’m not missing you so bad?

    Just because I’m on my knees and swearing I would change
    And do anything to hear you say “I’m yours”
    Just because I know I’ll never ever feel the same
    Doesn’t mean I love you anymore, more
    Doesn’t mean I love you anymore (anymore, anymore)
    Doesn’t mean I love you anymore

  • Journey’s End

    Journey’s End

    What is Black Widow gonna do without her hulk?

    After about 2 long years of being neglected, we have a new post! Unfortunately this will also be the last post as Ken & Miin’s journey together came to an end, not particularly abrupt, but sudden.

    That night it happened

    On a fateful night on the 4th December of 2018, after endless struggling and fights, Miin appeared at my garage as I was pulling into the driveway. My first reaction was a good one; thinking she came to reconcile after yet another banter.

    Turns out I was wrong, she came with the car full of my belongings and objects of sentimental value.

    “Hey, what are you doing here?” I said, not realising the end was near. I was hoping we could end our fight once again to regain harmony.

    Then I vaguely remember her pointing towards her car, saying she packed my stuffs. At this moment I knew she have already decided to end the 5 years+ relationship.

    Gradual decay? Or complete meltdown?

    The past year has been especially tough for the relationship. Often a small undesired action triggers full-on fights. When did the our relationship become so volatile? When did we stop accepting each other’s flaws? When did we stop being the number 1 person on each other’s team? When did we stop admiring each other’s everything?

    The number of times we were on the verge on giving up the relationship is numerous. Each time having at least one person not willing to give up our cherished relationship. Things would get better for a few weeks (sometimes days) before the relationship inevitably implodes on itself. Many times hurting both of us deeply.

    Memories

    I still remember the time when things are going as if we are mend for each other. How our lives values are aligned, our goals in life are similar, and we’re going to work very near each other next year. Our families are also supportive of whatever we were doing. I’ll cherish:

    • The time we made a song
    • The time we crossed the Victoria-South Australia border in a canoe
    • The time when each of us were not doing particularly well in our lives, we grew closer in the face of crisis
    • The time we were immobilised by heavy rain and had noodles in the shelter of a tent
    • The time we were exploring an empty park
    • The time Miin saved me from a friendly dog
    • The time we thought were our last breath on a ski lift during a blizzard
    • The time we watched the sunset together on Mt Dandenong
    • The time we got food poisoning from our favourite restaurant
    • The time Miin cut my hair
    • The time we went to Cherry farm on a 40 degrees day
    • The time we wore ponchos for 4 seasons
    • The time we explored Mt Buller snowboarding
    • The time we went to Ikea to get inspiration for our future home
    • The time we thought nothing could stand in our way
    • The time we found each other when we were both lonely in a new city
    • The time we believed love is real

    Moving on

    In the end, these are all memories. Having great memories doesn’t mean we are compatible with each other. Maybe we needed each other at that point of our lives. Maybe we were two lonely souls in a new environment. Maybe we were each other’s stepping stone to something greater.

    I just hope we’ll both find better no, more suitable partners. I hope our ability to love will not be crippled by this relationship. And I hope we’ll be able to feel joy of love again. Not sure when we’ll cross path again, we do live in a relatively small city. Until then,

    Goodbye, bb – Ken

  • Boxing Day 2015

    Boxing Day 2015

    Boxing Day – the only holiday when people wake up earlier than working days and willingly commute to in traffic to the city. It happens one day after Christmas day every year. Urban people go out of the way to enjoy the best of modern day consumerism: To amplify the meaning of shopaholic, shopaholic: Buying things we don’t need with money we don’t have.

    Shopaholic: Buying things we don’t need with money we don’t have.

    With the intention of grabbing a bargain, we started our journey with my sister booking an affordable parking space near Emporium, Melbourne. Paying only $4 parking fee for the entire Saturday, we happily parked the car at a hidden parking spot off Queen St.

    IMG_20151226_140001

    The first thing we did after reaching Emporium was getting lunch. People were already queuing to enter Branded Stores as we sidewinding through the crowd to get to the food court. We were really hoping to have Sushi Hon, one of our favourite sushi train restaurant. However our hunger was greater than the willingness to queue for great sushi, so we settled with Sushi Sushi instead.

    Everywhere we went, people were queuing up to get into stores. The thought of modern consumerism keeps going through my mind. Thinking how our modern culture dictates how we work our lives for money to trade for physical goods. Every business in Emporium and Melbourne Central were packed with shoppers hoping to score a real bargain on Boxing Day. Retailers promote “unbeatable” deals on their windows, enticing onlookers and serious shoppers alike to enter their stores. By the time we were there, most shoppers were already carrying at least one of two full shopping bags with something in common: A big smile, the joy of spending money, or scoring a bargain.

    Miin and I did not manage to grab anything except a handy battery pack from Dick Smith. We are not vivid shoppers anyway. The main reason we went to join the Boxing Day shopping crowd is for us to experience the shopping atmosphere. Plus we also promised to meet some friends at the city (this is more of Miin’s point though).

    We then made our way to Federation Square, were looking forward to see the Lego Christmas Tree. Made from millions of Lego bricks, it looks marvelously amazing.

    IMG_20151226_161054

  • Minion costume for Joyce’s birthday! 18/12/2015

    Minion costume for Joyce’s birthday! 18/12/2015

    Ken and I attended our church friend Joyce’s 20th birthday! We wore minion costumes and had a great time with our church mates! I really think the suspenders suit well in Ken!

  • Going back to Melbourne in 4 Days!

    Going back to Melbourne in 4 Days!

    How exciting! How time flies when this notification appeared on Google Now today, reminding me I’m going back to Melbourne in 4 days!

    It’s been almost a month and a half since I get to see my baby girl back there. The build up of anticipation this past week has been intense, just the thought of meeting my baby in a long time is enough to induce euphoria!

    Looking forward for the good times once more.

    Stay tuned!

  • 枯萎的花

    枯萎的花

    世界上,没有一样东西是完美的。要找到自己生命的磁铁,是需要时间及花费极大的经历才遇到对的。

    虽然是最信任,最疼爱,最能依靠的人,带给你的伤害,无助感,伤心,往往也是最大的。

    近来,不知是哪个怪物附身,自己浑身错乱,心不在焉,老是胡思乱想,在意有的没的。而,最能安慰的,确在这个时候不是你的那个他。

    在一起时间越长,越了解彼此的时候,发现彼此的不一样的时候,无法接受的时候,真的,不知所措。之前,就算天快塌下,最后一秒,只想要跟他在一起,便是没事。现在,事情看似越复杂,遇到事情,也不想解决。

    好久好久,没有初恋的感觉,虽然梦幻,但很开心。虽然无知,看起来像笨蛋,但心里的喜乐无法衡量。

    好久好久,没有初恋的感觉,在一起猜想未来的事情,即使无法无天,但有你的陪伴,都感觉美好。

    好久好久,没有初恋的感觉,稍微的撒娇,你便忍不住地为我什么都做。

    好久好久,没有初恋的感觉,就算是最没有味道的食物,是你煮的,都觉得幸福甜蜜蜜。

    在一起,久而久之,感觉好像会消失。

    现在,现实的感觉,在一起的时间,与工作息息相连,不能分开,之前对你的体贴也逐渐消失。

    现在,现实的感觉,就算发脾气,也不想对你说,以免引来不必要的争吵。

    现在,现实的感觉,你说的每句话,传到我耳时,如刺一样尖利。

    现在,现实的感觉,在一起,对彼此,感到抱歉,不知所措,不会安慰,不会体谅,就算担心,害怕,第一时间,只希望自己承担,不想拖累,不想一起想办法解决,只想随着时间,慢慢地逃避。

     

  • Fighting for silly reasons

    Fighting for silly reasons

    [vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]What a day. Went to the dentist today and got scaled real hard. With that cleaning tool drilling into my teeth, I start to realize how the body can hurt with the smallest tools. Today our relationship suffered too, with volatile emotions from both Miin and me, our quarrel got out of hand swiftly. I dislike us fighting for little reasons like that, to be honest, I loathe fighting at all! We are supposed to be a team! Live with each other with love, and forgiveness. I hope we don’t continue with this silliness and focus on the good times.
    May the rainbow takes over the rain quickly!

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  • Another thunderstorm

    Another thunderstorm

     

    It’s the very first post on this blog, but yet..this was typed after we got into a fight..AGAIN..

    Everything started well when we started our conversation, I missed you, you missed me, I wish I could lay next to you, wrapping myself into your warm embrace, touching each other’s skins, until I have no clue what happened, apparently it’s because you “always” change topic while you speak  when I am still talking or in the previous context and that somehow annoyed me a lot today..PMS maybe? I know that is never ever a good reason but we girls couldn’t help it..hence we got ourselves into complete silence.. not wanting to address the problem as both of us think we’re not wrong as USUAL..It’s always hard to say mean stuffs to you..It takes lots of effort and courage to type something mean, but it always end up feeling worst myself. Stupid..